Tuesday, 16th February 2016
Today was another great day God made. I waited on God today in prayer and fasting and I am so grateful to have an office to myself. Although it isn’t too big, it is big enough for me to walk around and pray in.
I prayed with the focus on my relationship. I prayed for my friends that were not married yet, prayed for the married ones as well. I wrote down the names of two families in church that I admired and decided to sow a financial seed into their marriages this evening at church.
I must not miss it in marriage!!
I got a call from Ade, asking what time church begun. I told him 6pm and he told me that he was going to be there for my sake. I just thanked him and asked God to take control.
I went to church and took permission to serve inside the church. I needed to focus because these moments are crucial to my destiny. Incidentally Ade happened to walk into church and to the row I was posted to. I directed him to an empty seat at the front row. He smiled knowingly at me. I smiled back and went about my duties. The service was wonderful. I was glad I served inside the auditorium. As soon as the service ended, I rushed over to where mummy D (Our pastor’s wife) was and gave her the seed had packed up earlier. In my opinion the senior Pastors had the best marriage in COZA. She turned to me and said, ‘The Lord bless you and lead you in the right path.’ I was almost too shocked she said it. I had heard of the gift of the Spirit called the Word of Knowledge, but this was the first time I saw it real.
I walked down to where Ade was seated, still meditating on the few words spoken by Mummy D. Ade stood up and put his hands around my waist. I wasn’t too comfortable, but I just allowed him…after all… he had honored my invitation to come to church. I led him to a different aisle with lesser traffic so that we could get to the exit quicker…… to my disappointment, we bumped into Ken on that aisle. Ade was holding me so possessively and it was too late to even break off his hold, because Ken had already seen us.
At that point I felt like a lady that was double dating and had been caught. I quickly introduced Ade to Ken as my old time friend. I ignored the look Ade was giving me and focused on Ken who seemed in a hurry to leave. He said he had to get a few things done at home and hurried down the aisle.
At that point I felt like wriggling out of the grip and running to catch up with Ken, but I just remained calm and slowly walked to the foyer where I thanked him for honoring my invitation and that I hoped he enjoyed the service. I excused myself and went for my unit’s appraisal. After the meeting, I took the second cash seed that I had packaged and took it to our Head of Department. I also wanted to sow into her beautiful marriage. She asked me what the seed was for and I told her the entire story. She smiled at me and began to make various declarations into my life using herself as a point of contact. She repeatedly proclaimed that I will not make a mistake and that I will know what to do, because the Spirit of God will lead me.
I told Joyce exactly what happened after our meeting. She laughed and told me that it was apparent who I really liked. Although I insisted that I wasn’t still certain… I reminisced on the fact that I had wanted to run after Ken when he excused himself. I couldn’t stop thinking on everything, even till I got home.
I began to declare the words from Mummy D and my HOD.
Good Night Diary
Thursday 18th February 2016
Yesterday was not so eventful. I kept on having the urge to call Ken to explain… it took me almost every fiber of my being to resist that urge. I waited on God in a fast, yesterday and today as well, praying all the way.
I received a text from Ken in the afternoon. I was so excited, and it took me like 10 minutes to smile and stare at it before finally opening it to read. He asked how my day was going and spoke goodness and God’s loving kindness into my day.
I smiled at the text and read it over and over again. Before I could think about it…… I called him.
It wasn’t until he picked up that realization hit me. I didn’t even know what to say. His voice was soft and soothing. I awkwardly thanked him for the text and asked him how his day was going. He was calm and told me he had being signing forms all day, since he got to the office. I laughed at the way he said it so humorously. He asked about my day I told him that it was just a regular day for me. We chatted a little bit more and he had to get off the call, because his dad was around. I didn’t want the conversation to end, but I pretended that it was fine. I just wished him a great day and quickly hung up.
I took in a deep breath and asked myself what I had just done. I heard a voice whisper that I already knew the choice to make. I began to analyze my dilemma. I realized from my analysis that the reason I was still considering Ade was that I was still attached to the sinful kind of love and I wasn’t sure I would experience those kinds of pleasures with Ken. Immediately that realization hit me, I was able to know that it was the devil that was putting such thoughts in my head. I prayed about it and I got convinced that there are greater pleasures after marriage…. Greater than I could ever dream. All I needed was patience.
I leaned back in my chair and began to think about it. I knew what I wanted to do but I was scared to do it. Then I remembered that my pastor always says that God stated that we should ‘Fear not’ 366 times in the bible like he was telling us daily not to be afraid of anything. I felt warm and I knew that the Spirit of God was backing up my decision.
After work I was about to walk out when I saw Ade at the reception. I really wanted to avoid him or look for a place to hide, but it was apparent that he had already seen me, as he had his arms spread out like he was gesturing me to hug him. To my surprise, I felt nothing, even in his embrace. He tried to hold me for longer, but I wriggled out of his embrace and asked him why he was in my office again. He claimed that he needed to see my face again. He said a lot of sweet words that just seemed meaningless to me.
I wondered how the feelings died all of a sudden. I knew that all I had felt towards him was just mere infatuation. I used that opportunity to ask him why he wanted us to be in a relationship. He told me that it was apparent that there is chemistry between us and we were made for each other. That response might have made the ‘old me’ feel good, but the new me…… not at all
I didn’t waste time in telling him that I don’t think we would work and that I wasn’t interested in a relationship with him. I told him that he needed to build himself in Christ and so many other things I felt in my heart to say. Though it was a very hard thing to do, I felt very relieved after doing it. Ade seemed surprised at my rejection but walked off without any attempt to persuade me make a different decision. I waved it off and went home to worship and pray.
I am about to take a big step and I am not going to joke about it.
Friday, 19th February 2017.
Today was a great day. Although it started like a normal day, it ended up being a very great day for me. I went to work today counting the remaining hours till I get my response from Moyin…..
Moyin… the thoughts of her clouded my mind. I had just felt led to send her a text yesterday and she had called me up. I was so happy to hear her voice.
I guessed I won’t be hearing from her till Sunday but was surprised when I entered the reception of my office and saw her sitting there. She was looking down and playing with her fingers. I stood there for about a minute staring at her. It was the receptionist that spoilt the moment…. She greeted me and that caught Moyin’s attention.
She stood up as soon as she saw me. She was dressed in a formal outfit and it looked really good on her. We greeted each other, and I led her to my office and after I ensured she was comfortably seated, I told her that it was a pleasant surprise to see her today. She just nodded and kept staring at the ground like it was the most interesting thing in the world. I had to ask her ‘what was up’ before she spoke up.
I was amazed at what she told me. She explained to me why she had asked for some days to think about being in a relationship with me. Her ex-boyfriend was in town and he was also proposing a relationship to her. I was surprised at her honesty. She also told me that she had sought God in the decision making….. She then asked me, the reason I developed feelings for her.
I answered her truthfully. I couldn’t place my hand on a singular reason. I just felt it was the entirety of who she was and her love for God that attracted me to her. She also asked what I intended to achieve by being in a relationship with her….. That is the goal of the relationship.
This is a question I had been asking God since on Sunday and so I responded from my spirit. I told her that as a Christian, the only reason I want to enter any relationship is because I had marriage in view. I explained that the former me dated for fun, but the new me just wanted to honor God. I told her that I might not be able to assure her that I would get married to her at this moment… (I said this on the basis that a broken courtship is better than a broke marriage), however, I assured her that I will try to make it work and by God’s grace we will end up happily ever after.
Well… she said agreed to be in a relationship with me.
Although I was able to hold myself… the inner me was jumping with excitement. She however told me that there should be rules guiding our relationship. She suggested that we should write down what we felt should be the dos’ and don’ts of the relationship and show it to each other over dinner tomorrow evening. She had to leave because she had to return to work.
For the rest of the day I couldn’t function properly…. I was just too excited.my mind kept on drifting. I decided that I would create my list tomorrow morning…. I spent the whole day day-dreaming and making plans for ‘us’ in my head.
As soon as I got home, I gave praise to God. I knew that it was His doing.
Good night diary.