Monday, 15TH February 2016

Today was a good day. I woke up with mixed feelings. My emotions felt messed up as thoughts of Ken and Ade flooded my mind. I did my early morning devotion half-heartedly. I made the decision to wait on God in a fast. Before going to work, I made sure I had it right with God. I knew it wasn’t the right time to slack, so I decided to pray in the spirit for at least 15 minutes before heading for work and I felt edified.

I stepped in to the reception of my office building only to see pot-bellied Solomon talking to Ade. He seemed surprised that I knew Ade, or that such a good-looking guy had come to look for me. My pride got the best of me as I went to hug Ade, just to show off to Solomon that I wasn’t as unwanted as he insinuated that I was. The look of shock on Solomon’s face was satisfying. I however knew it came at a price. I was giving Ade the wrong message.  I invited him to my office where I inquired about why he was at my office at that time. According to him, I had not responded to his text, so he thought he should see me in person. I told him that he should give me time to think about it and to my surprise, he got upset. He kept asking what exactly I wanted to think about, since it was apparent that we were in love with each other. It took me a lot to remain calm and explain that it was too soon to just jump into a relationship without considering a lot of things. He demanded that I should tell him when to expect a response. I told him the same thing I told ken. That he should give me seven days.

He got calm and began to explain that we were made for each other and that it is destiny. He told me that he had plans for us to get married and have children. To be honest, that was really what I wanted to hear. Once we got married we could do all we wanted without thinking of it as sinful. That was however the only thing that excited me about Ade. He was a very good kisser and he made me feel very good…..

I asked him about church. He told me that he had not yet started going to church because he hadn’t found a good church to go to in Abuja. I just tried my best to conceal my shock and disappointment and invited him to COZA. He promised to come tomorrow for our midweek service. I asked him about his vision and purpose and he told me that he just wanted to focus on his Job and make money. Well….. Those were not the answers I wanted to hear. He told me that I had gotten ‘thicker’ and he loved all the curves he was seeing. I immediately changed the subject. I wanted to avoid carnal thoughts. He stayed for about 1 hour before finally leaving.

The whole day I couldn’t stop thinking about this. Ade and Ken were two different people and it seemed to me that I liked the both of them. I know that I like Ade for romantic reasons. I don’t know why I like ken though….. I just like him.

Throughout the day I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Ade kept sending romantic messages….. some were even mildly erotic. I however didn’t hear from Ken. I prayed a lot during my break. I ended my fast that day with prayers and declarations.

Tomorrow is another day of waiting on the Lord. I can’t wait to see what it holds.

Good night diary



Tuesday 16th February 2016

Today was a good day. I had started waiting on God in a fast yesterday.  Today was the second day of my fast. I had just felt the urge in my spirit to wait on God in a fast before I got an answer from Moyin. I had to wage a spiritual warfare. I wasn’t going to joke with my future. I didn’t bother calling or texting Moyin. I didn’t want her to be sentimental when making her decision. I just had to use spiritual means.

I made sure that I got busy throughout the day, so as to avoid the thought of Moyin. It helped a little, but I really couldn’t stop thinking about her.

I went to church. She wasn’t at her usual position by time I passed through the entrance.  I made a conscious decision to remain focused throughout the service. With the help of the Holy Spirit, I was focused.

After service, I finally saw Moyin. She was with a tall good looking guy who had his arm around her waist. I couldn’t help the tinge of jealousy that crossed my mind. I hoped it was her brother. He was however to close and cozy with her. We bumped into each other on the aisle. She greeted me with a cheery smile. I however didn’t miss the short-lived expression of confusion on her face. She got herself together and introduced the guy an old friend of hers and a first timer in COZA. The guy didn’t seem too pleased with the introduction. He looked like he expected more.  She called him Ade.  I found a way to excuse myself and went home. I wasn’t feeling too happy about the whole episode. I know I have no right to be Jealous…… but I really can’t help it.

I just prayed for a while and told God to take control.

Good night diary.

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