Thursday, 11th February 2017
I woke up today with a dreamy smile on my lips. I felt really good about myself this morning. After my quiet time with God I picked up my phone in a bid to look through my schedule for the day. (I always type my to-do list on my phone before going to bed.) I saw a text from ken. He wished me the best today. Telling me how fun the date had been and that it was the best he had in ages.
I kept on smiling at work. I couldn’t reply. I didn’t know what to say. I read the text over and over and kept smiling at it. I wondered if I was supposed to text or call. In the end I couldn’t do anything. I expected him to call but he didn’t. I was disappointed that he didn’t call. I was about leaving the office when the unexpected happened. As I walked out of the main reception I heard my name from a familiar voice that made me shiver.
It was Adeolu. He was the last guy I dated. We started dating in my 3rd year in school and everyone had thought we were definitely going to get married. However, during National service year we had been posted to different locations. It was distance and communication issues that put a strain on our relationship.
Ade was the first guy I had felt I was in love with. However, while we were dating I hadn’t renewed my mind. We had done a lot of things ‘for fun.’ Though we never went as far as having sex, we did other things like fore play (smooching and kissing.) My conscience was always against it but I justified it, saying we were not doing the “main thing” so it wasn’t fornication and it wasn’t a sin. We still had to sneak around to do it. We couldn’t do it in public…… I just felt that sneaking around made it fun. So many times I got tempted to go ‘all the way’ with him but I believe God always prevented it.
He had been posted to Calabar, while I had been posted to Abuja. I guess the Calabar girls we all over him and he was swayed by them because he began to suggest that we enjoy our service year with other people, then after service we could reunite. I wasn’t happy with the thought but I did not like arguing with him so I just pretended that I was okay with it. At a point I felt like I was the only one doing the calling and texting. At a point I got tired and lonely.
I was invited to COZA by my neighbor and everything changed from that point. It was in the first service in COZA that I had rededicated my life to Christ. Then I began to grow in Christ. I felt ashamed of all the things I had done and began a mind renewal process. The Pastor emphasized Romans 12:1-2 and that had been my guiding scripture for renewing my mind. It took me a month before I could finally breakup with Ade. Even my parents were surprised that I did so. Though he pleaded for a while, I stood my ground. I knew I had to let go for a change to occur.
We hadn’t spoken to each other in over a year. It took me almost a year to get over him. Though we spoke once in a while after the breakup, I later on forgot about him and moved on with my life.
Seeing him in front of me brought back a lot of memories. I hadn’t seen him since we went for the service year. I had been retained in the place I served and hadn’t gone back home since then. My life had been moving upward since then in Christ and in all aspects of life.
He looked even better than I remembered him. He was 6ft 3inch the last time I saw him, right now he seemed to be even taller. He towered over me even with my 6 inches heels. He had become really muscular and had grown out his beard. He looked like he was taken right out of a magazine. I stared at him for a while before responding to him. He also seemed to be checking me out. I knew I wasn’t looking the same way I had looked two years ago.
After exchanging pleasantries, he explained to me that he had been transferred to Abuja from Lagos by his office. He had been in Abuja for over a month and had been trying to get to me. He finally found out where my office was and came to see me. He had waited at the reception since he hadn’t been allowed into the office.
He suggested that we go on a date to catch up. He walked me to where my car was packed. At a point he held my chin and told me he had missed me so much. My heart began to race. I didn’t want those lustful feelings to return because memories of all the ‘good’ times we had, came rushing into my mind. I quickly rounded off the conversation. He didn’t let me go till I agreed to go on a date with him this weekend. He collected my number and I drove off.
My head was spinning with emotions by the time I got home. He had changed. Even the ‘previous’ Ade was very good looking. This present one is just ‘smoking hot’. I got a message from Ken asking how my day was. I replied him saying it was great. I was still expecting him to respond, but up till now, he hasn’t responded.
Good night Diary.
Thursday, 11th February 2017
Today was a very boring day. I sent Moyin a text before going to work. She didn’t respond. Work was just boring. I did the usual signing and reading. I really wanted to tell Moyin that I liked her for real but I didn’t think it’s the right time. I don’t want to overwhelm her. It seems to be just too soon… I think…..
The feelings I have for her are overwhelming. I can’t go a full minute without thinking about her. I had to pray to God to help me manage this feeling. I kept on wondering when the best time will be to tell her that I what I feel is more than just liking her. In fact I don’t think I have ever felt this way before… even with all the girls I had dated. This isn’t a lustful kind of feeling. It is genuine. I need to seek counsel on what to do.
I called up a friend I had made in Church. He had sat beside me on a particular Sunday and we started a conversation after the service. From then we became friends. His name is Emmanuel. He is married and has a daughter. His family is wonderful and it’s so apparent that there is love in that home.
I told Emma all that had happened and how much I liked Moyin and that I had no clue on what next to do. To my surprise he advised me to tell her ASAP. According to him the worst that would happen is that she won’t feel the same way and we can both move on with our lives. That a delay however, might be disastrous.
I thought and prayed about it and decided take his advice. As soon as I got home in the evening, I sent her a message asking how her day was. As soon as I got a response from her I began to compose a text to send to her. It took me a long while, to compose the text. I wrote and deleted over and over. It was almost midnight when I decided to just send one that seemed a bit okay.
I am going to bed with my heart in my mouth and my fingers crossed. I have done my part. I leave the rest for God.
Good night diary.